Review: The Core

The glamorous Aaron Eckhart and the super hunky Hillary Swank ride inside a giant penis headed towards the center of the Earth, hilarity ensues.

Hard to know where to start with this one. Frankly, it's bad. What can I really say about a movie so bad that it made me wish I was watching Armageddon?

Okay, maybe that's not true. I'd sooner sit through a 10 hour PBS maraton of the Lawrence Welk show than watch either of these movies ever again. The Core invokes the tired themes of every disaster movie ever made, and more specifically rips off Armageddon so badly I bet Michael Bay is kicking himself for not taking the opportunity to direct it. Actually, judging by the production value and the quality of the CGI scenes (some little better than Sci-Fi channel movies of the week), I imagine they couldn't afford Bay.

Apart from a ludicrous plot involving some business about the Earth's magnetic field breaking down, (the effects of which are helpfully demonstrated by Eckhart taking a homemade blow torch to a peach and saying "This is the earth without that shield!!!"), we are treated to such brilliant exchanges as this:

"We must be in the wrong place."

"If you were in the wrong place, you would already have been shot."

That's quality. Additionally, Eckhart's usage of the word "nukuler" (pronounced ala G.W. Bush) has put him on my long term shit list. Swank's entry into the film involves her crash landing a space shuttle in the middle of a city, somehow managing to avoid any casualties, while damaging the shuttle only minimally.

I'm not really geeky enough to get into all the bad science, which abounds, and I could go on and on about this and that but I won't. If you need more convincing that this movie sucks it hard, go outside and sit down in the middle of the street to think it over.

Rating: 3 out of 10